Smiling despite the pain haha 

Bright ideas wun dazzle if u're idle.... a reminder to all of us... =) 

On my way out... with my 6260 and 903SH lol. Sending my images from the 6260 to 903 via bluetooth =) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dinner before work was FISH SOUP! They say Fish = Brain Food... hopefully that will help my brain to work better. haha. 

Me busy with my work but my brain is plugged into the evil genius of Don & Drew. Do U have any idea what time this was taken?? Lol. We worked at McDees till 7+am. 

Ian busy with work...  

10 Reasons to enjoy being a single mom this holiday - by Gina Kleesattel

There is no time like the holidays to bring out a list of "how things should be." These "shoulds" are formed by our own pasts, particularly our childhoods, and as we plan holiday memories for our children, they ring out louder than the bells on Christmas morning. Here are some thoughts to keep in mind as you plan your family Thanksgiving, Hanukkah or Christmas. And as each year passes, you'll probably add to this list as you become more comfortable with the idea of your family's unique memories:

• Start your own traditions such as eating a traditional holiday feast, but only as they might do in a different country. Or, if your new traditions are inexpensive ones such as watching reruns of classic holiday movies, all the better. That way, you won't have to eliminate them due to financial upsets some particular year.
• You don't need testosterone to put up a Christmas tree. Really. This includes buying it, getting it into the car, driving it home, getting it inside and putting it in the stand.
• Stringing lights also has nothing to do with male hormones. You can put them on your tree. You can put them on your house. When you find out how simple it is, you'll wonder what all the fuss, always portrayed by some clunkhead wrapped up in electric cord, was about!
• You get to sit at the head of the table. And guess what? You can carve and serve the turkey, too. Now you can get all the credit!
• Assembling children's toys is not as difficult as it seems. The secret is to try not to do them at the last minute. When you really follow the directions, it's easy. Honestly, it doesn't take a nuclear physicist to read the instructions.
• Call on your friends who don't have any children. They actually love to help put up that tree, assemble those toys and mess around with lots of food preparation, mostly because they don't have to do it. Also, your friends, both male and female, probably would appreciate connecting with a family with children this holiday season.
• It's really fun to play Santa Claus after the kids are in bed and you can do whatever you want. You can even eat all the cookies yourself.
• Plan a little time for your own personal traditions: a glass of wine after the Santa work is done, a long-distance phone call to a special friend or cozy up in bed with a long-awaited book. You deserve it!
• Remember, a happy mother is the best Christmas memory you can give your children. It's really time for us, as single moms, to put a stop to the tradition of the stressed-out holiday.
• If you can share your family with those who don't have any, do. What a wonderful tradition to invite those folks who are new in town, are far from their relatives or have been recently uprooted from their homes to participate in the festivities at your place. It's a great lesson in sharing, for you and the kids.

A chilling look at abortion statistics...

http://www.htmlbible.com/abortstats.htm

Heartbreaking to behold...

Mother Teresa once said of abortion:

"How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers."

And I just want to ask you all today... "Where have all the flowers gone? Long time passing..."

Let us not pluck a life out of the womb before it has the chance to blossom and become a blessing, a thing of great beauty...

A touching story to remind us Mummies of who we are...

The child asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth
tommorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and
helpless?" "Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of
you."

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't
have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy." God said, "Your
angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will
feel your angel's love and be very happy."

Again the child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand
when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"

God said,
"Your angel willl tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you
will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will
teach you how to speak." "And what am I going to do when I want to
talk to you?" God said, "Your angel will place your hands together
and will teach you how to pray."

"Who will protect me?"

God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking it's
life." "But I will always be sad because I will not see you
anymore." God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about me and
will teach you the way to come back to me, even though I will always
be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in heaven, but voices from Earth
could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave
you now, please tell me my angel's name."

You will simply call her "Mom."

Offensive article and a rebuttal that never saw light on ST Forum (sighs)

I guess many of us here were more than upset when we read the following article by a journalist who seemed to have some very prejudice views. Whilst I sympathised with the woman who had been betrayed by her husband (I cannot stand guys who sold their wild oats after marriage... shame on U!) but I felt her friend, the journalist was not too kind to the rest of us single mums who had nothing to do with that particular episode and who have our own personal battles to face everyday.

Read the PUBLISHED (it should have never even been printed for the kind of narrow thinking it showed) article followed by a rebuttal by a single mother whom I know wrote in but never saw her letter printed (pity coz it was a well balanced argument by her)... and decide for yourself. ^.^

Oct 9, 2005
Children born out of wedlock
The men pay, but where's their say?

By Leong Ching

SOMEONE I know just found out that her husband has been keeping a mistress and has a five-year-old son out of wedlock.

The woman, who is in her 50s, said she hired a private investigator after she noticed that there were toys in her husband's car that clearly belonged to a child much younger than their children.

She later saw a copy of a boy's birth certificate which named her husband as the father.

'The address on the birth certificate was our home address. I wonder what will happen when the boy turns six and needs to register for school? Will the MOE send the letter to us?' she wonders aloud.

Clearly, she has gone past the crying stage. Although the $3,000 a month in maintenance which her husband pays to the other family niggles at her, the family is wealthy enough to afford it. It was the 'administrative' aspect of the relationship that interested both of us.

Can the other woman just put down her husband's name as the father even though they are not married, she wonders.

Statistics show that the institution of family is under more strain today than ever before. Over the past decade, divorce rates have doubled from 3.8 divorces per 1,000 married women in 1980 to eight divorces per 1,000 married women in 2003.

As a result, there are now more single-parent households. In 2000, there were about 18,000 households headed by single parents with children aged below 16, up by 38 per cent from 1990.

Children born out of wedlock make up 3 per cent of single households. Last year, there were 541 births where the father's name was not stated in the birth certificate, up from 417 cases in 1994, making it the highest number in more than a decade.

These numbers do not capture families in which the mother is a mistress and the child is registered under the name of his biological father. According to lawyers I spoke to, a woman can name her lover as the child's father, even though they are not married. She doesn't even need his consent to do so.

In Singapore, land of the Women's Charter and pro-family policies, a man cannot be a bigamist but apparently, he is free to sow his wild oats and head as many households as his wallet can support.

For family lawyer Foo Siew Fern, there is nothing wrong with the way things stand. You cannot make adultery illegal. So if a man wants to sleep around, he has better take responsibility for his actions, says the straight-talking lawyer who has been handling matrimonial cases for 14 years.

There are two ways in which the man can take responsibility, she says. One is to settle the matter with a lump-sum payment. The other is to pay monthly maintenance. The reasoning is that a child has a right to claim his biological father's assets, whether his parents are married or not.

The chairman of the Government Parliamentary Committee for the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports, Mr Sin Boon Ann, puts it this way: 'As a choice of society's values, we have decided under the Women's Charter to make it a right of women to expect monogamous marriages as a measure of decent conduct.

'So when a man begins to have dalliances with other women and worse still, has issues from that relationship, should the mistress be penalised? More importantly, should the child be penalised?

'For the mistress, I think our position is clear. A person who knowingly enters into a relationship with a man cannot and should not be expected to benefit from that relationship legally.'

It is the child, he argues, who should be entitled to maintenance from his father.

He makes two important points: A man should pay for his mistake and the child should not be made to suffer because two adults have made a mistake.

This is something that few would argue with. But I would argue that while the man should pay for his mistake, he did not make the mistake alone. Unless the woman was raped, she was a consenting partner in the relationship.

If we speak then of a mistake committed by two people, surely both should have a say in how this mistake can be rectified?

Why should it be that the woman can compel the man to fork out maintenance money because she wants to keep the child? Think of the reverse situation: If she does not want to carry the child, but the man does, he cannot compel her to carry the baby to term.

Why is the relationship asymmetrical in this way? Both parties should have equal say in whether to have the baby or not, and in how to take care of the child.

If the woman wants to keep the baby, she should either persuade her partner to agree or make sure that she can afford to bring up the baby herself. If neither party wants the child, then she can either abort or carry the child to term and give it up for adoption.

If she does not want to do either, then she must be prepared to pay for the child's upbringing herself.

I do not argue for abortion, but I do argue for the right of the man, as well as the woman, to choose. Now, it seems that the man, and by extension his 'first' family, do not have a choice.

chingl@sph.com.sg


THE REBUTTAL by a single mum:

Re: Column in The Sunday Times (Oct 9), Children born out of wedlock
The men pay, but where's their say? By Leong Ching

In her column, the writer suggests that men who father children outside of marriage be given a choice not to maintain these children financially. Currently, in Singapore, men are required by law to maintain their biological children, whether or not they are married to the child’s mother.

The writer’s asks: “Why should it be that the woman can compel the man to fork out maintenance money because she wants to keep the child? Think of the reverse situation: If she does not want to carry the child, but the man does, he cannot compel her to carry the baby to term.”

It is with some concern that we read these words. That a journalist should bear such naïve and shortsighted views is firstly, appalling and, secondly, deeply troubling.

We urge Ms Leong to consider a world where men are free to “sow their wild oats” and bear no responsibility for their actions. The country would run amok with untended “wild oats”.

As Ms Leong noted in her column, it takes two hands to clap. She writes: “If we speak then of a mistake committed by two people, surely both should have a say in how this mistake can be rectified?”

She has, unfortunately, completely missed the point. In a situation where two persons not married to each other find themselves faced with an unplanned pregnancy, “say” is hardly the issue in question.

It is so easy for the man to demand an abortion – there is little “cost” of an abortion to him. It is the woman who bears the emotional scars and physical trauma of the surgery. Abortion, as common as it may be today, is not without its risks. It affects the woman’s future chances of pregnancy as well as the quality of her future births.

If the man wants to keep the child, he will not have to carry the child to term in his body, deliver it painfully, or deal with the stigma of becoming an unwed mother. If he chooses not to raise the child with the mother, he would not have to struggle as a single parent financially, emotionally or physically.

It is deeply offensive for Ms Leong to suggest that “if the woman wants to keep the baby, she should either persuade her partner to agree or make sure that she can afford to bring up the baby herself”.

Does this mean that children borne of lower-income mothers have less of a right to live? Does this mean that a rich man may get a poor woman pregnant and ditch her, leaving her with no choice but to kill or give her child up for adoption?

Consider the last option: adoption. It is almost a throwaway line in Ms Leong’s column. “Just give it up for adoption,” she writes.

There is no “just” when it comes to adoption, ask any mother who has had to consider giving away a child.

For the woman who has carries the child for nine months inside her own body, nourishing it and finally giving it life, adoption is, in our opinion, one of the most painful choices. It is necessarily a much easier decision for men to make.

We are not saying that men have no feelings. Surely, some men struggle with the guilt of having a child outside of marriage and try their best to make responsible decisions. However, as women who have encountered men in such situations first-hand, let’s just say a vast majority would make decisions that firstly take care of themselves.

What about the women who are then left bearing the child? All three choices available to her – abortion, adoption or becoming an unwed mum – are not easy.

They are difficult roads for a woman to walk down and whichever she finally decides to take, money only relieves a small part of the pain.

Maintenance is just money. It is a small price for a man to pay for the child he would never raise.

At this point, we would like to correct Ms Leong, who quoted a lawyer friends telling her that women may put their lover’s name in their child’s birth certificate without the man’s consent.

This is only partly true. According to the Immigrations and Checkpoints Authority (ICA) a man’s name may be put on the birth certificate without his consent only “if the Registry (of Births and Deaths) is satisfied from the available evidence and documents that a person is indeed the natural father of the child”.

As for the “first” family (of a married man who has a child out of wedlock), no, it does not have a choice. But if it did, the affair would not have taken place at all, would it?

In a perfect world, we would not even be discussing this issue because it would not exist. But the world is not perfect and neither are we. And in our imperfect world, we’re all just trying our best. It is best not to pass judgment on what one doesn’t understand – or worse, have it published

Social grant benefits Single Mums in Singapore

Oct 16, 2005

Got a social idea? Grant can help realise it
Groups helping mentally ill, single mums are among the beneficiaries ----- By Sarah Ng



AFTER seeing the difficulties people with mental illness face in finding jobs, Ms Porsche Poh and two colleagues from the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) came up with a plan to set up a non-profit organisation (NPO) to help remove the stigma attached to sufferers.


But the ideals behind Silver Ribbon Singapore had an unpleasant clash with reality at first, as their appeals for corporate sponsorship met with a string of rejections.

Then, they got help from a new seed fund managed by the National Volunteer and Philanthropy Centre (NVPC).

Launched last June, the New Initiative Grant gives up to $100,000 to unique social projects and has helped turn several ideas into reality.

Thanks to the grant, there are now more than 20 new NPOs providing services ranging from sex education talks in schools, to providing resources for single mothers.

To qualify, the NPOs must deliver a service that is new or offered differently from existing groups. It must be secular, registered in Singapore and have at least 30 per cent of its funding from other sources in the first year.

'We hope this grant will encourage people who identify a need in the community to come forward and offer help in a sustainable manner. It's about promoting volunteerism and philanthropy,' NVPC's sector development director Kevin Lee told The Sunday Times.

The grant is given out in several instalments and can be used for capital costs, such as rental of premises, office equipment and training. Assistance in running non-profit groups is also provided.

NVPC monitors how the grant is spent.

Said Ms Poh, an administrator for the Silver Ribbon early psychosis intervention programme: 'Without NVPC's grant, it would have been near impossible for us to start our work. The grant also opened doors for us with other sponsors, who felt that we must be doing something right for NVPC to approve the grant.'

Silver Ribbon will use the $100,000 to fund programmes, including talks at schools and workplaces as well as public forums, a board game on mental illness, and a website in English and Chinese to provide information and let patients share their experiences.

The grant has also benefited groups like Liberty League and Flyin' Solo, which work with issues that are deemed 'taboo'.

Founded by former transsexual Leslie Lung last December, Liberty League holds talks on sexuality issues in schools and at volunteer organisations. It received $30,000 from NVPC, with an additional $1 grant for every dollar it raises, up to $60,000.

The group's uniqueness, said NVPC's Mr Lee, is its ability to link up people with gender issues with counsellors for further help.

Explained Mr Lung, 41, a design consultant: 'Having gone through it myself, I can understand their concerns better to engage them.'

Flyin' Solo, which provides resources and support for unmarried mothers, received $50,000.

Said co-founder Ginny Phang: 'The strength of peer support is in the empathy our members can provide each other, something even the best counsellor can't do.'

Parenting Tips #1

Take an inventory of your assets. Assess your strengths so you can plan for the future. Don't believe that because your marriage failed, you are a failure.

Some of the best toys continue to be used as children move through different ages and stages. Toys that accomplish these objectives include blocks; animal or insect figures; construction or tool sets; flashlights; dolls with accurate features; basic art supplies; cars, trucks, boats, planes and trains; dress-up clothes and housewares; balls, jump ropes, playing cards and puzzles; medical kits and musical instruments.

Parents can help their children develop positive attitudes toward math and boost their math intelligence. They can do this in a variety of age-appropriate ways. Preschool children develop math skills through play. Placing toy cars in a line shows quantity; asking for as many cookies as a sibling gets demonstrates equality; knowing that one is taller than a friend applies the idea of "greater than."

Classic toys such as building blocks teach children about geometric shapes. Board games like "Chutes and Ladders" reinforce the concept of one-to-one correspondence (counting each object once). Connect-the-dot puzzles reward numerical sequencing by revealing a hidden picture. Jigsaw puzzles invite problem solving with shapes, sizes and colors. Parents can increase a child's comfort with math by engaging in mathematical conversations with the child in a casual way,by asking questions such as "Guess how many more miles to the supermarket?" or "How much do you think this melon weighs?" Card games also offer opportunities to enhance math skills in a fun and casual way.

Decide on a standard of conduct in your personal life. Get to know your new self and be comfortable with your decisions about who you let into your home and life.

Don't nag. Nagging removes the emphasis from the rule and puts it on the emotions of the moment. Besides, if something requires constant nagging, the rule isn't working. Try something else.

Establish a specific homework time, perhaps making that a TV-free time for the rest of the family. If your child asks for help with an assignment, respond by working through an example or asking questions, rather than simply providing answers. Praise your child's efforts.

Let your children share. Let your children know they are important in the family. It is all right if they know you work hard, don't have enough money, or that you have met someone new who makes you happy. Children can accept responsibility, directness and honesty.

Time-outs are considered the most effective form of discipline by many pediatricians. However, time-outs may not work with all children and may be ineffective if overused. A frequently used rule of thumb is to administer time-outs that last one minute for each year of the child's age.

Make cooking fun. Distribute chef's hats, recipe books, and recipe cards. Have family members look over recipes, write out cards for favorite meals, and together develop a menu for one-, two-, or three-week cycles. Negotiate nutritious meals - if you give in to hotdogs one night, then your family may be more ready to agree to tofu lasagna the next night.

Provide opportunities for girls to do things that are generally thought of as mainly for boys. Girls may not ask for the chance to hold a snake or learn carpentry, but they participate eagerly when given the chance.

Most sleep experts agree that the most common cause of children's sleep problems is lack of consistency in enforcing a sleep-wake regimen. Kids need a consistent bedtime ritual, a strictly enforced bedtime that doesn't change each night and a regular wake-up time. That's good advice for parents as well, because, when you're on a regular schedule, your sleep will improve too.

When all Hell broke loose... (part 1)

It was hard keeping a straight face when I was all eaten up inside.
It was a terrible truth to conceal and a hard one to keep.

I remember going for Miss Saigon with Mum a few days after 911 . Truthfuly, it was my last happy memory of our mother-daughter relationship for a long long time. Even today, I wish we could go back to those times. There was something special about that short period of time for me.

You see, my mum and I were never really close. I was always Daddy's little girl and
my mother played the bad cop. But I did not hold that against her. In fact, I was always
thankful coz I guess I could've ended up worse without the disciplining.

I always longed for a friend-like relationship with her but we never had it. Interestingly, we were "fated" to clash in both Chinese and Western horoscope. But it was during that time, after UK studies and during my days in Poly that we become less distant and more close.

Then I went and spoiled it all. We are ok still but it is back to the authoratative voice for her. I miss the sort-of friend-like mum I had for a bit.

Anyway, after Miss Saigon, Dad joined us for supper and that was the last happy family time we had as 3 people. Really. That was the last day that I was my parent's baby... in days to come, I became the thorn in the flesh, the one that was going to be a mum and my baby became their new baby well grandkid lol.

I digress.

Like I said, I was Daddy's girl and so I could not keep the truth from him for long.

Before I dropped the bomb on him, I tried to soften its blow by feeding him stories about people I knew who had abortions and we discussed how wrong it was and how horrible.

So when I told him to come into my room one day when Mum was cooking to tell him the truth, Dad sorta guessed something bad was going to happen.

He did not react with anger as I expected him to.

Dad reacted with a disappointment so deep it still cuts me till today.

There were tears in his eyes and his voice was choked up with emotion as he asked me that very deep yet simple question- Why?

I had no answers but that I was sorry.

We both decided not to let my mother know till we could figure some "tactic" to not trigger a nuclear explosion.

But that evening... Dad's face... what he said... remains the deepest cut in my heart... the saddest memory because I as a daughter had dealt him the worse hurt... I had betrayed his trust in me and had driven a nail into his heart.

Sorry Dad. Even 3 years plus plus plus later, I still want to tell you that.

(To be cont'd)

Confronting Loneliness as a Single Mother

A single mom shares three keys she has discovered for warding off the loneliness that so easily besets a single parent.
by Elaine Bond

March! We made it through the high stress of Christmas, the "January blues," and the holiday that confronts our status as single mothers as no other—Valentine's Day. Hearts, roses, chocolates and special dinners—all symbols of intimate romance.

… three things guard my heart from loneliness …

Our singleness slaps us in the face wherever we turn. Romance is depicted in every store, and longing sets deep within, followed by a dark shadow of loneliness. How can we protect our heart from these implications? What can we do to avoid the painful reality of our singleness?

As a single mother, I have done three things to guard my heart from the loneliness which the holidays can magnify. Together these things have helped me turn my thoughts from myself. Instead of feeling lonely, I find joy in doing something special for my children, or for someone else—possibly a couple who needs a babysitter so they can enjoy the occasion.

First and most important, I recognized years ago I may need help in guarding my heart. Once I realized I would be parenting alone, I asked God to protect me from loneliness. I'm not sure exactly how He did it, but I do not feel lonely even though I am alone much of the time. I know God is always with me because the Bible says, "He will never leave us nor forsake us." However, it was not always so. The events in my life that led up to this seem funny as I look back, but were anything but funny at the time.

When my children were very young, I used to think I needed some time away from them every week. Therefore, Friday evenings I made arrangements to go out. But something always happened to block the way: the baby-sitters cancelled, cars would not start, or friends changed plans. At first I was so angry I would take out my frustrations scrubbing my townhouse from top to bottom. Other times I felt so sorry for myself I could do nothing but sob until I was simply too exhausted to care.

Finally, instead of fighting my circumstances, one Friday night I bowed my knee in prayer. I had such a wonderful evening. God's peace filled both my heart and home. The next Friday I chose to spend my time in prayer again. Those evenings became so precious to me that I soon desired to spend almost every evening in prayer after my children were in bed. I continue to spend time daily reading the Bible and praying to this day, perhaps unknowingly creating the answer to my own prayer about loneliness. It has helped me develop an intimacy with God I would not trade for anything in this world.

It only takes one thought to set in motion a series of unhealthy thoughts.

The second way I guard myself from loneliness is with the daily choices I make concerning the media. I do not watch, read or listen to anything that will trigger unhealthy thoughts or emotions. Society is saturated with media communication, and choices are a moment by moment decision. Few are the songs, TV programs, commercials or written articles that do not try to lure your emotions. It only takes one thought to set in motion a series of unhealthy thoughts. How much easier to protect ourselves initially from loneliness than after we are consumed by it?

Protecting our emotions can be compared to recovery from alcoholism. An alcoholic cannot afford the first drink because the problem will soon be uncontrollable. Unhealthy thoughts are like that first drink. By refusing the first negative thought, we will not have to fight the black state of loneliness that hits so many single people. Wise choices in entertainment carry life-long rewards.

The third way I protect my heart from loneliness is by building strong, healthy friendships through my church, work or other associations. These relationships give the support and encouragement we as single mother adults need. However, to become dependent on a friend to meet our needs could create a vacuum, should the person not be there for us. Depending on friends will not solve a loneliness problem. It is God we depend on—friends we enjoy. Free from thoughts of loneliness, I turn my thoughts toward those who are dearest to my heart, and I think of little ways to show them love.

Being a single parent does not have to mean loneliness—not on a holiday; not on any day of the year.

Elaine Bond, based at the Crossroads Centre in Burlington, is the founder of Home with a Heart for Single Mothers, and the author of a book by the same title. Web site: www.homewithaheart.org

Originally published in the Christian Life-Times, March 1997.

Used with permission of the author. Copyright © 2004 Christianity.ca.

Words of wisdom indeed...

I remember when I first read this in my ex's toilet I thought how wonderful... if only his parents had tried following this so that he wouldn't have become so screwed up. It is amazing how we read such words of wisdom and flush it down the toilet bowl.

So here is moi trying to live by these pearls:


If a child lives with criticism. . .he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility. . . . . . she learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule. . . . . . . .he learns to be shy.
If a child live with shame. . . . . . .She learns to feel gulity.
If a child lives with encouragement. . . . .He learns confidence.
If a child lives with tolerance. . . . . . . .he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with security. . . . . . . .he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval. . . . . . . .she learns to like herself.
If a child lives with acceptance . . . . . . .he finds love in the world.

A Single Mother's prayer

Lord grant me Time Enough to do all the chores
Join in the games, help with the lessons, say the night prayers
And still have a few moments left for me
Energy Enough to be bread-baker and bread winner
Knee patcher and peacemaker. Ball player and bill juggler
Hands Enough to wipe away tears, to hug, hold, tickle and touch
Heart Enough to share and to care, to listen and to understand
And time to make a loving home for my family.

(You can get it on a bracelet from this website: http://www.charmbazaar.com/simopr.html... quite sweet looking. Happened to chance upon it. Meaningful prayer. Indeed.)