Article on Single Parenthood by Motherhood Mag

Being a single parent, you won't have the luxury of a partner to share the day-to-day care of your baby or the joys of watching him develop. Without a good support network, it can be physically and emotionally exhausting, but the knowledge that you've done it alone can also be hugely rewarding for you and beneficial to your baby. Single Parent By Choice? If you've chosen to be a single mother you may be more prepared emotionally, practically and financially for looking after a young baby and look forward to the prospect. If you've split with your partner during the pregnancy or soon after the birth, you may have more difficulties. Coping with the emotional problems of separating from someone while looking after a young baby is bound to have an impact on your ability to cope. In this situation, it's more important for you to accept help. Lone Parenting Can Be Positive Being a single parent is by no means all doom and gloom. You and your baby can benefit in many ways from the special relationship you'll form: Single parents tend to form a much closer bond with their babies; they do not have to share their love between a partner and a child. Extended family (i.e. grandparents, aunts and uncles) tend to get more involved when there's only one parent. The baby can greatly benefit form this network of support and love. Looking after a baby alone is a great achievement. You'll strengthen as a person as you watch your baby develop. If you're single because your relationship has broken down, you have made the right decision; it's better for the baby to live with one fairly contented person than two people at war. Balancing Your Relationship With The Baby As a single parent you do need to balance your relationship with you baby; some lone parents may invest all their emotions and energies into their baby and use him as an emotional crutch. Don't think that you have to be a mother and father; being a responsive parent is enough. Your baby has no notion of lacking a second parent so don't over-compensate. Encouraging Independence You and your baby will have a very close one-to-one relationship and no one can take that away form you. But babies need and thrive on exposure to others and should be encouraged to interact with a wide range of people. It's essential that you introduce him to other adults, and children, so he gets used to being without you now and then. This will make it easier for you and him if you have to introduce a nanny or babysitter. POTENTIAL DIFFICULTIES Financial With only one income, you're more likely to struggle financially and be unable to provide your baby with as many toys and clothes as you would like. Make sure you are getting all the benefits in which you are entitled, especially from your ex-partner. Remember that material possessions are not the most important things you can give to your baby. Fatigue If you are looking after your baby alone, the physical and emotional strains will be more of a problem. Catnap whenever your baby does. Try to take proper breaks and ask for and accept offers of help. Concerns About the Baby If your baby becomes ill, you're unlikely to have someone there to reassure you and keep things in perspective. So consult your doctor as early as possible to minimise your worries. Childcare Paying for childcare can be a struggle for single parents. Look into sharing a nanny with another parent. If there is a crèche at work, or one could be set up, this would minimise having to transport the baby around. Having A Social Life All single parents are bound to experience feeling of loneliness and yearn for adult company. When the baby is very young, he won't be the best company as he only sleeps, cries and feeds. As he gets older and begins to develop skills, you'll want the company of others so that you can share the pleasure and joy of this with someone else. It's important that you have adult company outside of work and time away from your baby and, of course, if you want to build future relationships you have to get out and meet people. Try the following: If it's difficult for you to go out for financial or childcare reasons, invite people to your house for a meal – ask your guests to bring a course. Get to know other mothers - they'll probably also be glad of the company. Ask people if they will baby-sit - you don't know unless you ask. Look for classes and events that have crèche facilities. Find out about local activities so that you can meet other parents. Sharing Your Baby's Development As your baby develops new skills don't be afraid to share your joy with your relatives and friends. If they're close to your baby, they'll love to hear about it. Keep your own record of when each milestone occurs, when there is only one of you it will be more difficult to remember them. THE SINGLE FATHER There are very few men who are the sole nurturers of a young baby, but for those who are, the pleasures and most of the problems will be the same as those of a single mother. Single men are at no more of a disadvantage in the practical care of their baby because they are male; the only thing they can't do is breastfeed. The Benefits Although it's not an ideal situation to be caring for a baby alone, a single father may benefit in ways that would not have happened had he been sharing the care with his partner. Research has shown that they are more satisfied parents, feel closer to their child and are more confident and effective than the average father. The Problems The main problem that may occur for a single father is that of isolation. As for a father who chooses to stay at home while his partner works, a single father will find that he has to battle for recognition in female-dominated environments and sadly, there will be those who question his ability to bring up his baby properly. THE ABSENT PARENT If he or she is interested, keep the communication channels open with the absent parent: Try to reach an agreement on access arrangements and on how you want to raise your child. Ensure that he or she is clear about financial support required. Seek legal advice if necessary. Try to spend time together as a family occasionally, and if appropriate, allow the other grandparents to see the baby.