4D Ultrasound simulator!!!

Experience and see a simulated 4D ultrasound here! Took my breath away...

Click here

More pictures of Foetuses (beautiful and amazing!)

Found more pictures (some repeat of the last post below) but nonetheless, you cannot argue that abortion is murder... these are not blobs of blood! These are mini humans, little people!

Click here

3D + 4D pictures of foetus- links

Amazing 3D/4D pictures of foetus and different stage of growth during pregnancy. Amazing. I swear, had anyone shown me these, I would have never even dared to contemplate aborting. I contemplated but I knew I could not and would not do such a heinous act. Thank God because I have a real angel of a son, Kaelen, as a result. He is a blessing and he is not an accident. Never believed he was and will never believe that he is.... Check this out:

http://standupgirl.com/site/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=30&Itemid=78

http://standupgirl.com/site/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=29&Itemid=77

And then just pray. In the meantime, these are other stories...



Angie's Story

I had an abortion right after I graduated from high school. Up until that point, abortion was something that I thought was all wrong and judged people for. I was with my boyfriend for a few years and we were having premarital sex. I got pregnant shortly after graduation. I was having problems with my boyfriend at the time and I was scared that I would be depressed in front of my baby like my mom used to be in front of me. Also, I was incredibly selfish and felt that I needed my career first. I cried for a month and went back and forth on the decision. I even made several appointments that I ended up missing. Finally, it was coming down to the wire and I needed to make a decision. I found out that my boyfriend was cheating and that was all the fuel I needed to "just do it". The rest is history...a long, painful, never-ending history that I will never be able to take back.

I have a 6 month old daughter now. Her brother or sister is/would have been 6 years old now. Now that I see the miracle of my healthy baby girl and remember the magic of my pregnancy with her and how I enjoyed every single month of my pregnancy...I finally realized just how huge the mistake I made really was. I've been in pain, behind my decision, for the last 6 years of my life...but it wasn't as great as it is now. I know that the LORD has forgiven me, but I fear that no amount of time on this Earth will ever heal my suffering. I feel lost without my child, whom I've named "Angel", for obvious reasons.

I've felt a sense of loss ever since that dreadful day when I went in that clinic with a hot head and came out with an empty heart. I urge anyone that is thinking about an abortion to simply NOT do it. It is a powerful stain in your spiritual history that you will NEVER get a second chance to do over. Your baby needs you and if you can not care for your child then there is someone else who will lovingly take your child in. There is a piece of my heart missing and I must live with what I have done for the rest of my life. You don't have to. Please, I beg of you...Let your unborn children live. GOD will provide a way for you.

Ashley's Story

My name is Ashley, and I am from Minnesota USA. I am due in November. How I found out I was pregnant was that I went to the local Planned Parenthood ((right across from my HIGHSCHOOL may I add...kinda sad, huh? )) with a friend, to support her because she was going to have a pregnancy test done. Something inside of me told me to get one done too, so I did. After peeing in a cup and waiting for about what seemed like forever, the nurse called my name first..I followed her into a examing room, and she told me I tested postive. She did not say "Would you like info on adoption?, would you like info or some numbers to call about child support, housing, etc" instead she said, as she handed me a folded yellow paper "there are some numbers on there, to have an abortion... but we like to call it terminating the pregnancy...do you think you are going to do that?"

Still in shock, crying, I took the paper but nodded "no", I knew what my mind was telling me...but my heart was saying something else. So after I went home, I sat on that "abortion" thing for a while, and I got something from a man named Chet in the mail, about abortions...out of the blue! It showed the picture of baby Malachi. Right then and there, I couldn't take it..or THINK of having an abortion! EVER! That baby would have been close to my sister Alana's age, which I cried. I vowed if I where to have a boy, in honor of him, my son's name would be Malachi.

I did however, find out I am having a baby girl. I am sad that Malachi was forced to have his little young life end, but In away..I am thankful for him, and his death. Because without baby Malachi's picture...my little daughter probably wouldn't be still alive. I love that tiny 21 week aborted Malachi, for the gift he has saved. He is a blessing on me, and I do, thank him, and I also thank the pro-lifers who found him, and who cleaned him up so that people could see the BODY..and not just the blood...the fact he was so cleaned up, I think is what really get's mothers. You see he isn't a blob, or just a "thing", but infact, he WAS a BABY! and I thank them for taking his picture...without that, one life probably would have been lost..and another soul ((me)), would be pro-choice... so, THANK YOU PRO-LIFERS! THANK YOU! You ARE helping!

Leigh Ann was discharged from the clinic 20 minutes after her abortion, according to a lawsuit filed by her husband. Within six hours, he said, he called the facility to report that Leigh Ann was suffering pain and fever. She died about 18 hours after the clinic had sent her home. Death was attributed to hemorrhagic shock from an unrecognized uterine perforation.

Jordiana's Story

I'm 17 and i just had a baby a month ago. I gave him up for adoption. I'm very close with his parents and will be able to watch him grow up and he will know I'm his mother. I think back when I was considering abortion... as a choice... but life shouldn't lie in a mother's hands to decide... Jordan deserverd a chance ...he's here because of a choice I made.... and he's going to live a happy life.... full of love... because I wouldnt let no one hurt him...

~*Jordonia*~
====================================================================================

Quick Answers

When does the unborn baby’s heart begin to beat?
The baby’s heartbeat begins between the eighteenth and twenty-fifth day after conception.

When does the brain begin to function?
Electrical brain waves have been recorded as early as forty days after conception.

How early can a baby survive outside the mother’s womb?
Currently, twenty weeks is considered the accepted minimum. However, this time will be reduced as medical technology continues to improve.

How many abortions have there been?
There have been 46,000,000 abortion in the United States alone since 1973. 1/3 of generation Y was aborted as well as 1/4 of the current generation.

What about cases of rape and incest?
It is important to realize that pregnancy due to a rape is very, very rare. Abortions due to rape may account for only up to 5% of the 46,000,000+ abortions done in the United States since 1973—certainly not a high enough percentage from which to make laws which legalize all abortions! However, even in these rare situations abortion is not the answer. Abortion does not take away what has happened to the rape victim—she will still have been raped, whether or not she has an abortion. What must be decided now is this: should the unborn baby suffer because of the circumstances regarding her conception? The answer is no. A baby conceived from a rape is just as much of a baby conceived of love—she develops like every other person. The only 2 major studies done of girls who became pregnant after rape and incest revealed the majority of victims chose not to abort their babies. None of these girls, who either kept their babies or placed them in adoption, regretted their decision. Of the girls who chose abortion,. 95% of them regretted their choice to abort.

But what about the child with disease who will die a slow death or live his life as a burden to his family?
While situations such as these are tragic and emotional, many times people who experience the birth of a child with a disease will find that their child still lived a victorious, fulfilled life. Remember: even a life that is short is a life. As a people, we cannot start to kill the people who are a burden or who are different. This leads the way to more dangerous roads such as euthanasia of the mentally disabled or senior citizens because they are not deemed “as valuable” as people who call themselves “normal”. There are many people with diseases and disabilities who are glad that they were at least given the chance to live—and that is a chance that everyone, regardless of their health condition, should be given.

What about the population boom?
The image of an exploding world population is false. In most developed nations, populations are growing because people are living longer and because of immigration—but the birthrate is actually dropping. In fact, today no European nation has a birthrate high enough to sustain its population. According to the latest U.S. Census and United Nations data, birthrates worldwide are down forty percent since the fifties, and continue to fall. The Social Security Administration estimates that in the next fifteen years, the senior citizen population in the U.S. will grow 100 percent, but the population of Americans ages 20 to 64 will grow only 15 percent. The problems that accompany an elderly population are already felt in China, where the population is not maintained by the birthrate, and many young people find themselves having to provide, on their own, for two parents and four grandparents.

How can a girl give up her own baby for adoption and go through life never knowing what is happening to her child?
While placing a baby in an adoptive home may be hard at first, it is also extremely rewarding. With adoption, everyone wins: the baby, the mother and the couple adopting. But with abortion no one wins: the baby is aborted, the mother chooses to lay her body down for the procedure that will kill her child and a couple who wanted to give that baby a loving home will never see him or her.

There are different kinds of adoptions available to mothers needing to place their babies in a secure and loving home. If a mother wishes to follow the life of her baby in his or her new home, she can opt for an open adoption in which she keeps regular contact with the family and her child as they grow. Above all, we must remember that adoption is a courageous, loving act by the birth-mother, not a hurtful thing. Adoption affirms life while abortion affirms death.

From a religious standpoint...

From the Biblical standpoint:

"See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you, that their angels in heaven continually behold the face of My Father who is in heaven" (Matthew 18:10).

The Old Testament provides most of the information on God's view of life before birth, since it gives us the law. The law specifically addresses the issue of taking the life of a fetus in the book of Exodus:

"And if men struggle with each other and strike a woman with child so that she has a miscarriage, yet there is no further injury, he shall surely be fined as the woman's husband may demand of him; and he shall pay as the judges decide. But if there is any further injury, then you shall appoint as a penalty life for life." (Exodus 21:22-23)

Therefore, the law tells us that a man who induces an abortion or miscarriage is to be punished, indicating that God values life before birth. A verse from Hosea³ says that abortion is a punishment for sin, indicating God views it as bad. Likewise, God expressed His disgust for the Ammonites, who "ripped open the pregnant women of Gilead".⁴ When does this life begin?

The Bible tells us God is involved in our creation from the womb:

"Did not He who made me in the womb make him, And the same one fashion us in the womb? (Job 31:15)

Yet Thou art He who didst bring me forth from the womb; Thou didst make me trust when upon my mother's breasts. Upon Thee I was cast from birth; Thou hast been my God from my mother's womb. (Psalms 22:9-10)

For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Thy works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from Thee, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth. Thine eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Thy book they were all written, The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them. (Psalms 139:13-16)

Thus says the LORD who made you And formed you from the womb, who will help you, `Do not fear, O Jacob My servant; And you Jeshurun whom I have chosen. (Isaiah 44:2)

Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer, and the one who formed you from the womb, "I, the LORD, am the maker of all things, Stretching out the heavens by Myself, And spreading out the earth all alone, (Isaiah 44:24)

In addition, there are a number of great men of God (and Jesus) who were called to be God's servants from the womb:

Samson:

Then the woman came and told her husband, saying, "A man of God came to me and his appearance was like the appearance of the angel of God, very awesome. And I did not ask him where he came from, nor did he tell me his name. "But he said to me, `Behold, you shall conceive and give birth to a son, and now you shall not drink wine or strong drink nor eat any unclean thing, for the boy shall be a Nazirite to God from the womb to the day of his death.'" (Judges 13:6-7, see also Judges 16:17)

Jesus (prophecy):

Listen to Me, O islands, And pay attention, you peoples from afar. The LORD called Me from the womb; From the body of My mother He named Me. (Isaiah 49:1)

And now says the LORD, who formed Me from the womb to be His Servant, To bring Jacob back to Him, in order that Israel might be gathered to Him (For I am honored in the sight of the LORD, And My God is My strength), (Isaiah 49:5)

Yet Thou art He who didst bring me forth from the womb; Thou didst make me trust when upon my mother's breasts. Upon Thee I was cast from birth; Thou hast been my God from my mother's womb. (Psalms 22:9-10)

Jeremiah:

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations." (Jeremiah 1:5)

John the Baptist:

"For he will be great in the sight of the Lord, and he will drink no wine or liquor; and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit, while yet in his mother's womb." (Luke 1:15)

Paul:

But when He who had set me apart, even from my mother's womb, and called me through His grace, was pleased (Galatians 1:15)

In addition, the Bible tells us the wicked are estranged or enemies of God from the womb:

The wicked are estranged from the womb; These who speak lies go astray from birth. (Psalms 58:3)

I did not write this article with the intent to condemn those who have aborted their babies or participated in decisions to do so. Praise be to God that He has provided a way for all of us to escape the condemnation we all rightfully deserve.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)

Where have all the dreams disappeared to?

When we were young, we had big dreams. Today, you might ask yourself, where have your dreams disappeared to? Most of the time, we let reality consume them and allow resentment to grow instead. We are frustrated that we had not taken the path we had chartered out for ourselves and taken an unexpected detour. Maybe it is the role we now play, the responsibility weighing on our shoulders, our financial situation, our family situation... somehow the lives we now lead does not seem to match up or measure up to the dreams of yesterday. Whatever the reasons, one has the freedom to choose. Which option will you choose: 1) Living a life of bitterness, further resentment, anger, regret, depression and self -pity. 2) Take the leap of faith and embrace the adventure and the experience of the new route ... to enjoy the new sights, new possibilities... It is unplanned but everything will turn out right if you make the best of the new journey. It is a matter of perspective at the end of the day. Today has its cares of its own, tomorrow as well. If you were not worrying or challenged by this in an alternate universe and time, you'd be worrying about something else, challenged by something else. There are still many blessings to count in our lives today, so many new opportunities... so many new things we can do. A new life we can help nurture as single mothers. A new future to look forward and ahead to. As women and mothers, the dream never ends. It is always there waiting for you to grab hold of it and make it your reality. You can make it happen no matter what situation you are in if you believe and persist. Embrace your new direction. Make new dreams for yourself and those you love. What you make of this life depends on your personal attitude to everything. Having the right attitude or even nurturing the right one in yourself will allow you to conquer the many obstacles and curved balls that life can toss at you. Just like a sculptor carves a rock to take the shape of the image he has in mind, so can we carve every curve and bump and shape it into what we want. We can plant the seeds of happiness right now if we allow ourselves to, if we see beyong the situation and reap the harvest of joy, love and faith later on. There is no such thing as impossible just matters of choice. The ball lies in your court. What direction will you choose? I hope it is one that will offer you a peace of mind and happiness in time to come.

Single Mums should be helped- NTU Chronicle 1994... 11 years later....

Article from The Nanyang Chronicle in 1994. Just some one's view. 11 years later, is it any easier? Not sure as I have not tried applying for a flat yet. But when I do, it will be with my significant other who is not my kid's dad but whom my son calls Papa Bear very fondly.

Meanwhile, in society, the witch hunt continues. I've had people in Poly once tell me " Please don't call my house. My mother does not like single mothers." I called her about project work because her hp had been confiscated by her mum coz she oversused her hp. Was it thus my fault? A fellow Christian , she came up to say that with another groupmate (also a girl) and after that I was shunned. It was hurtful and mean. I think parents have a big part to play in this kind of behaviour so I did not fully blame her. I blame it on herd mentality, social conditioning and a less-than-gracious behaviour. Altho, I did feel that she should have empathised with my situation (I am not looking for pity or sympathy) and understood why I called her. Plus, I thought it was hypocritical to say I was brave to do what I did and then call me names behind my back.

But I take it in my stride. It is one of the trials and hurdles I face in our society but one I will face with my head held high because I am proud of my son and that I chose the road less travelled instead of one of cowardice.

Personally, I do not think premarital sex is ok altho I did it and I do not think it is right. But I think it is a correct step to give the innocent a right to live whether one decides to take full responsibility as a parent or allow another couple that privillege. Whilst I believe that parents should tell their kids it is wrong to engage in sex before they get married, I think they should ask them to look at people in our situation with more compassion and not to judge people by their circumstance but how well they face adversity and overcome it.

CNA video on Single Parenthood

Episode 15 of Get Real hosted by Diana Ser - First telecast: 30 August 2004
From the Channel News Asia Website...

• Single Parenthood play
How do you become both mother and father to your children? Diana Ser meets with a single father and a single mother and finds out their stories.

What are some of the challenges they face being a single parent? How do their children feel coming from a single parent household?

Letter on the horror of Abortion

Letter on the horror of Abortion

Mommy,

I am in Heaven now, sitting on Jesus' lap. He loves me and cries with me; for my heart has been broken.

I so wanted to be your little girl. I don't quite understand what has happened. I was so excited when I began realizing my existence.

I was in a dark, yet comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes. I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings.

I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping. Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me.

Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you. Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy.

That same day, the most horrible thing happened. A very mean monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in. I was so scared, I began screaming, but there was no sound. I guess they had you all pinned down because you never once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me. The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming, "Mommy, Mommy, help me please; Mommy, help me."

Complete terror is all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn't anymore. Then the monster started ripping my arm off. It hurt so bad; the pain I can never explain.

It didn't stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off. Though I was in such complete pain, I realized I was dying. I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me.

I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy. Now I couldn't; all my dreams were shattered. Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all. I wanted more than anything to be your daughter. No use now, for I was dying a painful death. I could only imagine the terrible things they had done to you.

I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn't know the words you could understand. And soon no longer I had the breath to say them; I was dead. I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big, beautiful place.


I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone. The angel took me to Jesus and set me on His lap. He said He loved me, and He was my Father. Then I was happy. I asked Him what the thing was that killed me.

He answered, "Abortion. I am sorry, my child; for I know how it feels."

I don't know what abortion is; I guess that's the name of the monster. I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn't; the monster was too powerful. It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you.

I didn't want to die. Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster.

Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did. Please be careful.

Love,
Your baby girl

This was written by a 16 year old girl on the horror of abortion from the
baby's point of view, and submitted by Connie Jones.

British study cites abortion as cause of Breast Cancer "Time Bomb"

British study cites abortion as cause of Breast Cancer "Time Bomb"

LONDON, Feb 27, 2001 (LSN.ca)

A study about to be released by the Royal Statistical Society (RSS) in England reports that British women are harboring a breast cancer 'time-bomb' because of the high abortion rate and low number of children. The Oberserver reported yesterday that the RSS paper, "Legally Induced Abortion, Fertility and Age at First Birth as Risk Factors in Female Breast Cancer" notes that the by 2030 the number of women diagnosed with breast cancer each year will have risen from 30,000 to 50,000.

The paper quotes a study showing that having an abortion before a child, rather than the other way around, increases the chance of breast cancer by up to four times. Abortion, few children, and having one's first child later in life have all been found to be associated with cancer.

FAQ regarding Abortion

1.	Is the embryo really human life? All doctors and scientists agree that human life begins at conception, so even though the fertilized egg is still very tiny, a single cell in fact, it has all the genetic information it needs to grow into a baby and it is already growing and developing immediately after conception.
2.	Isn't abortion a religious issue? It is not merely a religious issue but a moral issue affecting all people. Just like stealing and killing is always morally wrong regardless of religion, so too is abortion as it kills a human life.
3.	But isn't abortion legal in many countries? Yes it is legal but morally it remains wrong. Immoral actions that are legalized remains immoral.
4.	Why bring an unwanted baby into the world? The baby's new life was brought into the world when there was conception. Killing it remains immoral even though the baby is unwanted. We want you to consider other options.
5.	I am really not ready to be a mother, what can I do? We cater to the needs of expectant mothers so please call us (63399770 ) and let us try to help you.
6.	How can anyone really help me, besides my parents will kill me if they find out I am pregnant! No parent in the world has ever killed their daughter because of her unplanned pregnancy. We will discuss with you in upmost confidence the most helpful course of action that is the best solution in the circumstances. We understand how you feel.
7.	I am not sure if I am pregnant, but if I am, what are my options? Call us and we will arrange a confidential pregnancy test, and also discuss your options in confidence. There is an alternative to abortion and we can help you.
8.	What are the effects of an abortion? Not merely wanting to scare you but it is found that besides the Post Abortion Distress Syndrome , there is the increased risk of Breast Cancer and Subsequent Premature Delivery, and also other medical risks. (See Article)

Children of Single Mothers Do Just as Well in School

from Newswise

May 10 2004

Mom's Education & Abilities Are What Matters Most

Mothers can be a positive influence in their children's lives, whether or not they are single parents. A new multiethnic study at Cornell University has found that being a single parent does not appear to have a negative effect on the behavior or educational performance of a mother's 12- and 13-year-old children.

What mattered most in this study, Cornell researcher Henry Ricciuti says, is a mother's education and ability level and, to a lesser extent, family income and quality of the home environment. He found consistent links between these maternal attributes and a child's school performance and behavior, whether the family was white, black or Hispanic.

"Over all, we find little or no evidence of systematic negative effects of single parenthood on children, regardless of how long they have lived with a single parent during the previous six years," says Ricciuti, who is professor emeritus of human development in the College of Human Ecology at Cornell.

"The findings suggest that in the presence of favorable maternal characteristics, such as education and positive child expectations, along with social resources supportive of parenting, single parenthood in and of itself need not to be a risk factor for a child's performance in mathematics, reading or vocabulary or for behavior problems," Ricciuti says.

The study is a follow-up of children who were assessed when they were 6 and 7 years old. The first study, published in 1999, found that single parenthood did not affect young children's school readiness or social or behavioral problems.

"In this follow-up study, we wanted to assess whether adverse effects of single parenthood emerged as children reached 12 and 13 years of age, and they did not," says Ricciuti, whose latest study is published in the April issue of the Journal of Educational Research (Vol. 97, No. 4).

Ricciuti's sample included almost 1,500 12 and 13-year-old children from white, black and Hispanic families in the National Longitudinal Survey of Labor Market Experience of Youth. Single motherhood was defined as the mother having no partner or spouse living at home at the time of the survey. The average mother's age at birth of her child was 20 to 21.

Ricciuti cautions that many single mothers lack the social, economic or parenting resources that are known to promote good parenting. He stresses the need for making such parenting resources more readily available to single mothers, thus helping them to provide more supportive home and family environments for their children. "Potential risks to single-parent children could be greatly reduced or eliminated with increased parental access to adequate economic, social, educational and parenting supports," Ricciuti concludes.

The Dilemas of single motherhood captured in the funnies... pt 3
 

The Dilemas of single motherhood captured in the funnies... pt 1
 

The Dilemas of single motherhood captured in the funnies... pt 2
 

Flyin Solo- a support group for Single Mothers by Single Mothers

Visit http://flyinsolo.org/

Life isn’t always easy. Especially if you have a baby and no husband. In Singapore, unmarried mums have a special place under the proverbial carpet along with other taboo issues that our community seems too embarrassed to discuss.

But we are a reality. And because of this general unwillingness to discuss and acknowledge our existence, unmarried mothers here have practically no support.

All that hopefully ends here. Flyin’ solo is a resource and meeting place for Singapore mothers outside of marriage -- the first of its kind here. They can’t wait to meet you and hope you enjoy your visit to their website.

A Single Mother's Song - Michelle Ailene True

Here is a single mother's song
My work is hard, my days are long
By paycheck time it’s often spent
Child support barely makes a dent

I'm out of bed before the dawn
and in the shower with a yawn
I put on water to boil for tea
I also have the cat to feed

I put on make up, dry my hair,
cover up dark circles with great care.
I check the weather and get dressed
hoping the clothes will not get messed...

while I quickly grab some food
and then go wake my little dude.
I clean his glasses, grab his clothes
and feed him breakfast; how he grows!

He watches tv while he eats,
I make his lunch - sandwich, juice and treats.
Out on the balcony, I fill the bird feeder
it's a big one, made of cedar.

The birds come by all day to eat
entertaining our cat with their feats.
By 7:00 we're down in the car
heading to daycare which, at school, isn't far.

By 8 I'm at work, spend all day on the phone
(believe me, that's another whole poem!)
At 6, I carpool from Hebrew school
there's homework to do - after dinner's the rule.

We may have to do a grocery run
or some other errand, but nothing fun.
Sometimes there's laundry, there's always some cleaning
My son "sometimes" helps, if you get my meaning.

My son's in his room playing video games
The quiet living room is mine to claim.
By 8, all I want is to relax
so it's time for my nightly long, hot bath.

Finally it's time to get ready for bed
I'm so exhausted, not much to be said.
We brush our teeth and he reads to me,
Captain Underpants, or something else quite silly.

The lights go off and the blankets spread,
say good night to each other; we’re tucked into bed.
Some days it's not over, sometimes it seems
I relive my whole day in my frantic dreams.

There's never enough time to do it all
and there are times I've dropped the ball.
No matter how hard my life may be,
I have my son, and he has me.

This poem was by Michelle Ailene True who has published two books of poetry, True Reflections (published in 2004) and True Emotions (March, 2005). She's divorced, has a son in 6th grade and works full time as a help desk support agent, and also runs a monthly poetry writers workshop"

Boys To Men Minus Dad

Boys to men minus dad

By Cheryl Wetzstein
THE WASHINGTON TIMES
August 30, 2005

Single mothers can raise boys just fine -- and maybe even better than families with moms and dads, psychology professor and gender scholar Peggy Drexler says in a new book.

Yes, widespread public opinion says a boy must have a father in the home in order to achieve full manhood, says Mrs. Drexler, an assistant professor of psychology at the Weill Medical College of Cornell University.

But according to her research on 124 parents of boys, most of whom are single mothers or lesbian couples, "I have found there is absolutely no reason to expect that single or gay moms cannot raise sons on their own," Mrs. Drexler writes in "Raising Boys Without Men: How Maverick Moms Are Creating the Next Generation of Exceptional Men."

"Maverick mothers" throw themselves into parenting their sons and "really nurture" their sons' masculinity, she explains. As a result, mother-raised sons are emotionally strong, empathetic, independent-minded and well-rounded -- even more so than sons raised in traditional mother-father families, says Mrs. Drexler.

What matters is not gender, but the quality of parenting, says Mrs. Drexler, a former gender scholar at Stanford University and the married mother of two. "Parenting is either good or deficient, not male or female."


Mrs. Drexler found that sons raised by mothers were self-assured, appropriately boyish -- "not sissies or mama's boys" -- and into sports. Mother-raised sons also participated in chores; had warm, respectful relationships with their mothers; and had male figures in their lives.

"It's not that they feel men are unimportant or dispensable -- quite the contrary. These mothers bring men into their boys' lives," said Mrs. Drexler, who is continuing to study the boys as they progress through adolescence.

Andrea Engber, co-author of "The Complete Single Mother," also is thrilled with Mrs. Drexler's work, since she "always knew" that single moms can raise boys very well.

Boys raised only by moms often talk about how hard their moms worked to raise them and how connected they are and how much they love them, says Mrs. Engber, who now is married, but still runs a Web site for the group she founded, the National Organization of Single Mothers.

Single moms, she says, "never believed these statistics that we're raising these horrible monsters."

911- the day I found out I was pregnant ( Part 5 of 5)

When it was my turn, I went in and more tests were done to decide if I was pregnant and how pregnant I was. The doctor was chirpy until he opened my case file to see I was there because I was thinking of aborting.

During the long waiting periods before each test (blood test, urine test, ultrasound), Aunty Viv was there to help me tide through. She was still asking me to think about it as gently as she could and was always ready with a smile and a hug or a squeeze of the hand.

I knew deep within that I wish I was not aborting but I still felt I had to for everyone else's sake. For my family's "face" and not to break Dad or Mum's heart. I kept praying in my heart for God to forgive me for what I was going to do. I was confused.

The monotony of the day and my thoughts did not prepare me for the shock to come. Aunty Viv followed me into the room and the doctor revealed to us something that totally put us in a different perspective altogether.

"We cannot detect the foetal heart beat although the tests have shown she is indeed expecting. This might be very dangerous as it could mean that she is having an etopic pregnancy. This means that the baby is developing in the fallopian tubes instead of the womb. If that is the case, we need to operate on her immediately and she must abort the foetus because it can be fatal for her. "

What a twist of fate.

The doctor told me to go grab lunch and come back for further tests to determine if I was having an etopic pregnancy.

Aunty Viv hugged me tight. I was still surprised.

From wanting to abort although I knew I shouldn't , suddenly it might be that I must abort even if I decide I didn't want to.

From playing God and deciding to terminate the foetus's life to save my ass, suddenly God was telling me "How would you like it if I too decide on whether I can terminate your life?"

Suddenly I was in the shoes of my foetus.

Irony.

We had lunch and Aunty Viv told me it would be a strange blessing if I had to operate and that it would not be my fault if I had to. But she was also worried about how serious the condition would be.

After lunch, we went to Novena to pray.

And it was a strange prayer for me as I told God it was in His hands and that I knew that I would do what I have to do.

I had taken a big U turn and I knew that if it was Etopic, I would abort but if it wasn't I would keep my child.

When we went back to the hospital, I was a ball of nerves.

I did a different kind of ultrasound this time. Instead of sweeping the device on my tummy, it was inserted inside me. It was strange and sometimes painful as they probed around looking for the elusive foetus.

And then, there he was on the screen... a tiny pin head bump on the wall of my womb.

No wonder they had not detected the heartbeat!

At that moment, I had fallen in love with my child.

Inside me, I heard myself tell me...This is my child and I love her or him... I am his or her mummy and nothing can change it. I know what I want.

Another doctor congratulated me when I returned to the room, then did a double take when he saw my case file. I was so amused but I told him that I had made up my mind to keep my baby and he looked so happy... absolutely bursting with joy.

My ex had rushed down to the hospital and I told him my decision. He seemed afraid but said he'd go with my decision.

Aunty Viv drove us all up to the Botanical Gardens where we firmly decided that we'd keep the child and not give the child away for adoption. We felt that when the child finds out that his foster parents were not his biological ones, he would always be a lost child trying to find his real parents.

There had been an article about a man who had spent years finding his natural parents to no avail and how he needed to know why they gave him away and who they were. I did not want my child to go on that elusive search.

I wanted him/her to know that I am his/her mummy. Always there to hold him/her and to love him/her.

My ex agreed on my course of action.

Aunty Viv suggested we wait till later to tell both our parents as we needed to figure out when and how to tell them and what to say.

We were up for some tough times ahead.

911 - the day I found out I was pregnant (Part 4 of 5)

That night, I went home to find my mother watching the telly. It was showing what seemed like a scene of war or some disaster.

"Where's that?"

My mum looked at me with eyes wide open and said, "America. Terrorist attack."

I was shocked.

For a moment, I forgot my own burden as I watched the horrific scene on TV.

=====================================================================

I went back into my bedroom and called my best guy buddy, El, about the day's discovery.
He was someone very close to me as we had been friends for about 7 years odd then & I'd call him when I was in UK to confide in him when my chips were down or when I was homesick.

Altho' we were on the phone, I think his jaw dropped to the floor when I told him.

(Years later, I ask him what it was like and he said that it was some kind of strange timing of the Ally Mcbeal sort. He had just switched to the news on the telly when I told him I was pregnant and at the same time, he saw the plane crash into the World Trade Centre. To this day, he can't figure out which had left him slack jawed with shock... the news or THE NEWS.)

He told me to think carefully about the next step and I told him what seemed to be my mantra... I had no choice.

I was also went online to find out if my best friend in Secondary School was ok. She was studying in the States and I just wanted to be sure.

She was ok until I told her my news. We had debated against abortion once in a class debate and so had done enough research to know what it entails for both the mum and the foetus. We are also Catholics and Gen is a very prayerful and faith-filled person, so she was both worried and scared for me. She felt that I did not want to abort and was still not calm enough to rationalise and make the right decision. Before we parted online, she pleaded with me.

"Girl, call my mum. Promise me you will call her ok?"

I said ok but in my heart I was dreading to do so.

What if she told my mother?

Was getting an adult involved a good idea?

I did not know Gen's mother and had not met her. I guess Gen was my best friend then but I know I wasn't hers... and I had never gone to her house... never been there like the cool girls from our class. I was some sort of outcast in school but Gen was always there. And she wrote me letters in UK and vice versa. She was and still is dear to me. I am inwardly shy altho' outwardly I seem like a friendly, outgoing sort.

I slept little that night and wrote a long long letter to my unborn child. I was apologising.

Dear Baby, I am sorry Mummy has to do this. I have no choice. I love you very much but there is nothing I can do. I am sorry about the pain and suffering you have to go through even though it isn't your fault. But you will go to Jesus and he will sooth away the sadness and all the horrible things you have to go through. I am so sorry. I want to be your mummy and I want to love you but it is not the right time yet... I cannot help it. I love you so much and I will see you someday in Heaven and I hope you will forgive me then. I love you. I love you but no one will understand or accept you here. I love you but there is nothing I can do. Nothing.

Already, it was as if the scars were forming even before I went through with my decision to abort. It felt horrible and I was depressed.

I did not call Gen's mum and frantic, her Mum, who had been forewarned by Gen to expect my call, contacted Gen and bade her tell her who needed help and also give her my number.

So I was getting ready to go out when my handphone rang. It was Gen's Mum- Aunty Viv.

She offered to give me a ride to KKH and I accepted it.

I could see where Gen's loving and compassionate ways came from. Her mother was like an angel. She was warm, motherly and very worried about me. I knew that she was God sent.

In the car, Aunty Viv was assuring me and asking me to think about it first. We parked at Novena church and she tried to change my mind.

"Do you want to trade 9 months of suffering for a lifetime of pain?"

Aunty Viv felt that if I just bravely faced the nine months of pregnancy, things would get better when the baby arrived. She told me that people's heart will soften by then and that parents love their children even in their anger. She told me that there were other paths to take if I could not parent my child myself. There were couples who were barren who would love him/her and there were people who would adopt. At least, taking those paths would ensure that my child would be able to live...

I was stubborn, I was beside myself with tears and I stood my ground that I had no choice. I told her my parents would kill me. I just repeated my mantra over and over again. I guess, looking back, when you do so much repeating of a phrase you begin to believe it even though it was against one's true feeling/thought.
====================================================================

We arrived at KKH and there was so much waiting to be done.

I remember looking around the room at all the other couples and mum2bs with their mums.

How happy they looked. It was a child that would be accepted for them and anticipated by them.

Some were talking animatedly to their other halves who were hugging them close- my ex had gone for classes that day. He had a test to take and he did not want to skip it. He could not. I felt empty.

Some were talking to their mothers who looked kindly and lovingly at their daughters & dispensing advice- my mother was still blissfully unaware. If she knew, she'd kill me. I know her.

I looked at Aunty Viv who held my hand in hers. She had insisted coming along. She told me she respected my decision as it was mine to make but that she felt no person should have to go through such an ordeal alone. So she wanted to be there for me.

I was thankful. Her support and her love even though I was a stranger touched me.

====================================================================
(to be continued)