911 - the day I found out I was pregnant (Part 3 of 5)

I guess I was still in shock so I called up some close friends of mine to confide in them. I was confused and my mind was in a whirl.

My guy friend suggested I aborted at Raffles Hospital coz it was a top class hospital BUT altho' I knew he meant well (coz abortion IS life threatening) I obviously didn't have such finances. Lots of his friends aborted their's there. Rich kids mostly. Sighs.

Then I called a girl friend of mine. She was really wonderful and truly empathised with me. She offered to come by to Raffles Hospital to meet me.

When we got there, she advised me to go KKH but as we were headed there, she kept asking me if I was sure this was what I wanted.

"I have no choice. My parents will kill me!"

I was like a horse with blinders on.

All I could see before me was the end of the world if I didn't abort before I started showing and do it discreetly. Esp coz my Dad was returning from his business travels.

I am really close to Dad and I didn't want him to find out I was pregnant. It would break his heart coz it also would mean that I'd betrayed his trust and love for me.

At KKH, the nurse there adviced me to go to the Polyclinic first.

"If you really want to do it, go polyclinic first is cheaper. But are you sure you want to do it girl?"

I guess in my mind I wanted to scream "NO I KNOW IT IS WRONG BUT DAMNIT I HAVE GOT NO CHOICE."

So we left KKH and headed for the nearest Polyclinic I knew at TPY.

When we got there, it was about to close but I begged the nurse to let me see the doctor. They gave in and I sat there totally lost in my emotions. My ex was worried too but I wondered if he understood the magnitude of what I was going through.

"We need to do a test to see if you are pregnant."

I rolled my eye balls.

"I just did a pregnancy test and it showed positive."

"I know but I need to do this for the record and to be sure."

My Ex brightened up.

"Maybe the test kit is faulty. Maybe you are not pregnant!"

"Itz a 99.9% accuracy test kit."

He hoped against all hope whilst I was the ever realist.

OF COZ IT SAID I WAS PREGNANT (but it cost cheaper to do the test at the polyclinic than with a home test kit)

So with the doctor's report that I was requesting for an abortion and the results, I rushed back to KKH but it was closing too.

The nurse apologised and told me to return the next day.

Before I left, she asked me again if I was sure.

The answer remained the same:

I wasn't but I still felt I had no other choice.

MAN SNATCHES LOVE CHILD

Girl screams: I don't want papa to carry

SHE was waiting with her 3-year-old daughter for the pedestrian light to turn green.

What happened next stunned the single mother and sparked a frantic chase to save her daughter.

In a split second, a man suddenly rushed forward and grabbed the unsuspecting toddler.

He then dashed off, holding on the girl as she screamed her lungs out and struggled wildly, reported Lianhe Wanbao.

Her cries for help alerted passers-by who joined her mother in hot pursuit.

They caught up with the man after about 300m and surrounded him.

Trapped, he had to let the girl return to her mother.

The man turned out to be the girl's father. He is reportedly locked in a tussle with his ex-lover, 28, for her custody.

The 42-year-old businessman was seen arguing with the police for about half an hour. It is understood he was then let off with a warning.

The mother claimed that the daylight snatch capped a series of harassments by him in the past week.

She alleged that he had made a false missing persons report on her and got a locksmith to force open the door to her home.

The latest incident took place outside Causeway Point at 5pm on Saturday as the woman was taking her daughter to the library.

She recalled: 'We were about to cross the road at the traffic lights and my daughter wanted to press the button.

'I let her run ahead as it was very near. Who would have thought that someone would grab her?'

Shocked, the mother's first instinct was to give chase.

I DON'T WANT PAPA

The girl's screams of 'I don't want papa to carry' turned many heads. Passers-by started to chase him, too.

'We stopped him outside the Woodlands Civic Centre entrance and got my girl back,' said her mum.

'Both of us want her, but my daughter has always been raised by me. Then he got frustrated and it led to this.'

She said they had split up when she was pregnant with the girl.

'We felt that we couldnt get along, and we didn't want to force ourselves to be together for the baby's sake.'

They agreed that he would give child support while she looked after the girl.

'After the baby was born, he didn't shower a lot of affection on her. He didn't dare acknowledge her as his child in front of other people.

'But when he saw her growing to be so adorable, he began to love her more, and wanted her.'

He said he would employ a maid to raise the girl, the mother claimed.

Because of the custody issue, the single mother said her ex-boyfriend had harassed her family lately.

'He once made a police report that I went missing, causing the police to turn up at my doorstep only to find me sleeping at home.

'Another time he brought a locksmith to open my lock to force himself into my home. It made my family and me so worried, we didn't know what to do.'

But one thing is for sure: She'll never give up her daughter's custody.

'My daughter is my flesh and blood, I will look after her myself.'

911 - the day I found out I was pregnant (Part 2 of 5)

When I got to my Ex's place, I went straight to the loo to do the test.

It only takes a minute to get the result but it was the longest minute ever. I was hoping and praying that the line would not appear. I mean that only happesn to folks in TV shows right?

WRONG

That second line did appear in the window, confirming my fears.

I was pregnant.

Shocked, frightened and anxious, I called for my Ex. He was playing with his Playstation upstairs whilst waiting for my results.

When I told him I was pregnant, he stood there speechless for a beat, then asked me "Now what?"

Indeed, Now WHAT?

(to be cont...)

Article on Single Parenthood by Motherhood Mag

Being a single parent, you won't have the luxury of a partner to share the day-to-day care of your baby or the joys of watching him develop. Without a good support network, it can be physically and emotionally exhausting, but the knowledge that you've done it alone can also be hugely rewarding for you and beneficial to your baby. Single Parent By Choice? If you've chosen to be a single mother you may be more prepared emotionally, practically and financially for looking after a young baby and look forward to the prospect. If you've split with your partner during the pregnancy or soon after the birth, you may have more difficulties. Coping with the emotional problems of separating from someone while looking after a young baby is bound to have an impact on your ability to cope. In this situation, it's more important for you to accept help. Lone Parenting Can Be Positive Being a single parent is by no means all doom and gloom. You and your baby can benefit in many ways from the special relationship you'll form: Single parents tend to form a much closer bond with their babies; they do not have to share their love between a partner and a child. Extended family (i.e. grandparents, aunts and uncles) tend to get more involved when there's only one parent. The baby can greatly benefit form this network of support and love. Looking after a baby alone is a great achievement. You'll strengthen as a person as you watch your baby develop. If you're single because your relationship has broken down, you have made the right decision; it's better for the baby to live with one fairly contented person than two people at war. Balancing Your Relationship With The Baby As a single parent you do need to balance your relationship with you baby; some lone parents may invest all their emotions and energies into their baby and use him as an emotional crutch. Don't think that you have to be a mother and father; being a responsive parent is enough. Your baby has no notion of lacking a second parent so don't over-compensate. Encouraging Independence You and your baby will have a very close one-to-one relationship and no one can take that away form you. But babies need and thrive on exposure to others and should be encouraged to interact with a wide range of people. It's essential that you introduce him to other adults, and children, so he gets used to being without you now and then. This will make it easier for you and him if you have to introduce a nanny or babysitter. POTENTIAL DIFFICULTIES Financial With only one income, you're more likely to struggle financially and be unable to provide your baby with as many toys and clothes as you would like. Make sure you are getting all the benefits in which you are entitled, especially from your ex-partner. Remember that material possessions are not the most important things you can give to your baby. Fatigue If you are looking after your baby alone, the physical and emotional strains will be more of a problem. Catnap whenever your baby does. Try to take proper breaks and ask for and accept offers of help. Concerns About the Baby If your baby becomes ill, you're unlikely to have someone there to reassure you and keep things in perspective. So consult your doctor as early as possible to minimise your worries. Childcare Paying for childcare can be a struggle for single parents. Look into sharing a nanny with another parent. If there is a crèche at work, or one could be set up, this would minimise having to transport the baby around. Having A Social Life All single parents are bound to experience feeling of loneliness and yearn for adult company. When the baby is very young, he won't be the best company as he only sleeps, cries and feeds. As he gets older and begins to develop skills, you'll want the company of others so that you can share the pleasure and joy of this with someone else. It's important that you have adult company outside of work and time away from your baby and, of course, if you want to build future relationships you have to get out and meet people. Try the following: If it's difficult for you to go out for financial or childcare reasons, invite people to your house for a meal – ask your guests to bring a course. Get to know other mothers - they'll probably also be glad of the company. Ask people if they will baby-sit - you don't know unless you ask. Look for classes and events that have crèche facilities. Find out about local activities so that you can meet other parents. Sharing Your Baby's Development As your baby develops new skills don't be afraid to share your joy with your relatives and friends. If they're close to your baby, they'll love to hear about it. Keep your own record of when each milestone occurs, when there is only one of you it will be more difficult to remember them. THE SINGLE FATHER There are very few men who are the sole nurturers of a young baby, but for those who are, the pleasures and most of the problems will be the same as those of a single mother. Single men are at no more of a disadvantage in the practical care of their baby because they are male; the only thing they can't do is breastfeed. The Benefits Although it's not an ideal situation to be caring for a baby alone, a single father may benefit in ways that would not have happened had he been sharing the care with his partner. Research has shown that they are more satisfied parents, feel closer to their child and are more confident and effective than the average father. The Problems The main problem that may occur for a single father is that of isolation. As for a father who chooses to stay at home while his partner works, a single father will find that he has to battle for recognition in female-dominated environments and sadly, there will be those who question his ability to bring up his baby properly. THE ABSENT PARENT If he or she is interested, keep the communication channels open with the absent parent: Try to reach an agreement on access arrangements and on how you want to raise your child. Ensure that he or she is clear about financial support required. Seek legal advice if necessary. Try to spend time together as a family occasionally, and if appropriate, allow the other grandparents to see the baby.

911 - the day I found out I was pregnant

I found out I was pregnant on the day of 911 itself.

Not being one to take note of my period days (girls you must must learn how to note that down),
I had a feeling one night that my period was late. A friend asked me if my breast felt different and I said well I had a bad and gut feeling that I might be pregnant. She advised me to go get a pregnancy test kit so I could be sure.

That morning, during my class, my lecturer happened to be telling us about how his lead actress was late for their shoot and upset everyone BUT when she came, they found out she had been through an abortion the night before.

Freaky coincidence?

I swear I was breaking out in cold sweat in my chair.

After school, I went to the Guardian Pharmacy behind my Ex's place to buy a pregnancy test kit. There was a bubble tea stall next to it so I thought I'd get us some of that. After I got it, I was looking at a Polaroid Camera at a photo shop within Guardian Pharmacy when the plastic bag burst and the 2 cups of bubble tea fell to the ground. One remained intact and the other burst open and the drink and bubbles were gushing out.

AGAIN it felt like premonition of bad things to come.

Didn't help that the sky started looking stormy and there were people burning Hell Notes and lighting joss sticks along the path I was on. There was ash flying about in the sky as the wind got stronger.

It was like I was in some movie and all these were those corny special effects to spell trouble. Kinda like the way a bad guy rolls into town and the storm clouds follow him.

(to be continued)

Study : Women need more mental health treatment after abortion

SPRINGFIELD, Ill., August 15, 2002 (LSN.ca)

A study published in the July issue of the American Journal of Orthopsychiatry reveals that abortion is associated with psychiatric episodes suffered by women.

By examining Medi-Cal records for 173,000 low-income California women, researchers Priscilla K. Coleman, David C. Reardon, Vincent M. Rue and Jesse Cougle, compared the rate of psychiatric outpatient treatments for women who had abortions versus those who carried to term. To control for differences in prior psychological health, they excluded all women who had any psychiatric care for a year prior to their pregnancy outcome.

The study found that women were 63 percent more likely to receive mental health care within 90 days of an abortion compared to delivery. In addition, significantly higher rates of subsequent mental health treatment persisted over the entire four years of data examined.

Dr. Priscilla Coleman, the study's lead author, said that the study design was an improvement over previous studies because it relied on medical records rather than on surveys of women contacted at an abortion clinic. "Most studies of mental health status after an abortion rely on small groups of women-usually less than 300-and face high drop out rates of 50 percent or more," said Coleman, a
professor at Bowling Green State University in Ohio. "By looking at medical claims for a large group of women, we were able to capture a more accurate picture of the differences between abortion and childbirth."

(American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 2002, Vol. 72, No. 1, 141-152)
See the abstract from the journal on line

FAMILY LIFE CENTER- Help for Single Mums (Catholic run BUT welcomes ANYONE)

Pregnancy Crisis Service (PCS)
Tel: 6339 9770
A hotline and counselling service for expectant mothers facing unwanted pregnancies.

Location Map

Click here for enlarged map

BUSES: Along Yio Chu Kang Road : 24, 76, 136 (outside Serangoon Stadium) Along Yio Chu Kang Road :136, (Outside Highland Centre and Outside Kovan Centre) Along Upper Serangoon Road : 80, 81, 82, 85, 97, 111, 153 MRT: Nearest MRT stations: Serangoon MRT and Kovan MRT

One NEW Source of HELP for SINGLE MUMS

For teens with child and the child in them

SMS 8111 3535 Call 1800-TEEN MOM (833 6666)

The issue of abandoned babies is one which has always been in the public eye. Stories of babies being abandoned in rubbish bins, thrown down rubbish chutes, left in boxes in void decks or even discovered floating in the sea are often read about in the newspapers.

In the past decade, the number of teenage pregnancies has also been significantly increasing. These youngsters, when faced with an unplanned pregnancy are often caught off-guard and unsure of what to do next. Their extremely vulnerable situation could lead them to experience an array of emotions such as guilt, fear, anger, etc which could cloud their judgment and lead them to take unfavourable steps.

Babes is a programme dedicated to helping these girls in need and providing them with the support they need. The emphasis is on nurturing responsible decision making based on the options open to them.

To provide a comprehensive service that will enable us to follow through adequately, Beyond is operating the programme in partnership with other agencies similarly concerned with this issue. They are Alife, Pregnancy Crisis Service both of which provide counselling; Project Cherub which provides case management services; Rose Villa and Andrew & Grace Home which provide shelter for pregnant teenagers; and KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital.

Reaching girls in need who may be too frightened or embarrassed to seek help will remain a constant challenge. So the programme utilises SMS, a youth friendly communication medium as a first point of contact. Once rapport is established, our outreach workers will meet the girl at a place she is comfortable with instead of asking her to come to the agency.

The Programme is also supported by an ongoing awareness effort that is youth friendly. These advertising, publicity and public relations efforts are supported by, Formul8, Über M &C, SMRT Ltd and Chart Radio, Perfect 10 –98.7 FM on a voluntary basis.

Single Motherhood

Recently, itz been very heart wrenching to read all these newspaper reports about young ladies who get pregnant out of wedlock and throw their kids into rubbish bins and off their flats.

I can empathise with them- the fear, anxiety and extreme stress they had to go through are not easily dealt with.

Having been in that situation before, all I can say is PERSEVERE.

It is so easy to just give up on hope and the future just because one obstacle is blinding you. But once you get pass it, you can see the bigger picture.

There are many of us out there who went through the same pain, the same dilema as you. Yet we stand here, a firm testimony that all is NOT lost.

You just have to look beyond today to see there is a tomorrow. It is one not filled with gloom, doom or sorrow but one that has the possibility to burst out in song, love, laughter and joy.

Like Neo, you're being asked to choose the red or blue pill.

So which will you choose?

Life and a Chance to find happiness?

or

Death and Regret?

And remember, it is not a choice that you are making just for yourself.
But also for the little one inside you.

But pity him/her... he/she cannot make the decision for his/her own life.

So make a fair one.

Don't work on a knee jerk reaction. Calm down and pray/meditate till you can think straight.
Not about suicide. Not about aborting straight away. Not about doing something stupid to yourself or about the end of the world.

There are a few options NOT just one (no thanks to those TV dramas where the actress aborts coz she has "no choice". Rubbish. We all have several. Choose wisely!)

- Abort and regret it. Maybe not have kids ever again if something goes wrong. Emotionally scarring and traumatic. I know people who've had an abortion and been screwed up by it. Can even die from complications.

- Leave the baby on a stair well/ Throw the baby off a flat or into the rubbish chute... STUPID STUPID THING TO DO. The Law will catch up with you and then what? All your life wasted on a horrible and cruel act of cowardice and sheer stupidity.

- Have the kid and give her away at birth to a couple who cannot have kids or would like to adopt. At least the kid will have a family to love her and treasure her if you can't do it because you don't want to or cannot. You will still have your freedom. If you are afraid of ridicule, book into one of the villas/hostels that will help you whilst you are there ( and have the kid whilst everyone is told that you are on a holiday/overseas internship...)

- Have the kid and keep him (whether your bf and your romance last through it). Find joy in his funny little moments and the way he loves his mummy lots. How he will make you laugh and make you glad you decided to keep him despite the odds. Your disapproving parents will forgive you and love the child very very much. Trust me - mine love my son so much they are bringing him to Melbourne for a holiday but not I LOL. =)

At the end of the day, put yourself in the Foetus's shoes and question your conscience.

An innocent life should not have to pay for your mistakes... especially your stupid ones.

I made a stupid mistake but I admitted to it and now I have a wonderful little boy whom I love so dearly and who makes me laugh when all I want to do is cry sometimes. =)

I have also found a wonderful man who loves the both of us and whose family welcomed my son with much love and kindness.

Never say never and never say anything is impossible.

Don't sell yourself short.

Now think about it.






Call the pregnancy hotline (6339 9770) and speak to the counsellors. They are really nice and will help you out and also help in mediation if that is required between you and your bf or between his family and yours. I went to them when I was pregnant.